This is a guest post on how to mend a broken heart from her very real experience. Read more about my personal experience with heartbreak and how to never experience it here.
If you’re reading this, let me start by saying I am truly sorry your world was flipped upside down. I won’t undermine the pain that is felt with every single breakup. No matter how desperately you attempt to protect yourself from it when you meet someone new. Or how many times you whisper ‘I’m okay’ to yourself when it's dark and the weight of the world starts crashing down on your chest.
I’m writing this piece, but truth be told I can’t tell you for certain if I’ve even figured out how to cope with my heartbreak yet. Truthfully, I never thought I would have to write this because I was certain that I was gonna marry this person so I was far from prepared when it all came tumbling down.
Before I delve into helping you out of the hole you seem to be trapped in, I want to answer a question I've often asked myself:
Does a broken heart ever heal?
I think the answer is yes. While I can't tell you how long it takes to mend a broken heart, I can tell you that it gets easier. With every passing day, you will feel your heart start to pull itself back together.
Figure out what you're actually missing
The most important thing I realized after my breakup is that sometimes I'd just miss having someone around, not necessarily having *the person* who broke my heart around.
I would sit in my bed, tears running down my cheeks, convincing myself I should call him or tell him I miss him because I really thought that was the case.
Until one day when I was having a conversation with my best friend in the middle of the night, weeks after my breakup, and I vented to her the way I used to vent to him, and we laughed and hugged and I cried for hours.
It took me a while to realize that maybe I just missed having someone to call home and maybe this time I’ll choose to be my own home.
Don't hold anything in
I also learned, the hard way of course, that holding everything in and keeping to yourself often makes your heart ache even more than necessary.
Let it out.
Cry until your cheeks go blue. You’re not helping anyone by holding it all in.
Trust me I know it hurts, I know talking about someone in the past tense is the most horrible feeling, but there will come a day when you can talk about them and not feel your world exploding or your heart shattering with every whisper of their name.
Write a goodbye letter
Don’t send it, don’t show it to anyone. This is for you.
Say your goodbyes on your own time, with your own words in the most old fashioned way possible.
Get out all the dreams you had for the two of you. Acknowledge how you loved with every breath in your lungs and never planned to write this letter.
You’re allowed to hate every second of writing that letter too.
I know you never wanted to say goodbye, but you will need to write it all down. Your tears will smudge the ink and you will need to pause between sentences and between the I love you’s that you tried so hard not to scribble down.
Put it all away
When you finish your last letter, put it in an envelope and tuck it away.
Box it up, everything and anything that reminds you of the person. Pictures, letters, jewelry, clothing. It seems so final when you do that, but maybe that’s what you need.
Put on your favorite crappy love songs, say goodbye to what could've been, along with the physical reminders and the stories that still cut too deep.
Take your last trip down memory lane
When you put in the last picture and close the box, say your last goodbyes.
Any sense of guilt or uncertainty, any desire to run back to the relationship. Let it go. Let go of the songs you sang together, the warmth you felt when being held, and the broken promises.
Give your heart the closure it deserves…
…without needing to go back for one last feeling of safety. Let everything go, the screams, the pain, the memories, the dreams and hopes and wishes.
One day, you may bump into your ex in a coffee shop, it will hurt like hell.
One day, you won’t think of them every morning or see them in every love story you hear.
One day, you will fall in love all over again and the world will make sense.
One day you won’t have to learn how to cope with a breakup… because one day you will find your forever.
Maybe you were hoping I’d give you some kind of step by step routine to follow to mend your heart and your soul and your faith that love isn’t an all encompassing disaster when it ends.
I’m sorry but I don’t have that, I don’t know how to be okay right after your favourite person walks away with your heart still in their hands.
How long does it take to mend a broken heart?
You may be wondering right now. I don't have the answer. I can tell you that no matter how uncertain your life feels right now, the tears will stop, your heart will mend and you will find your home again.