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Before we jump into this, I realize most people Googling “heart-broken” or “heart-break” have probably recently left a romantic relationship… so for the examples, I'll be writing about romantic relationships. However, with that said, I also want to acknowledge that heart break can also be associated with relationships that aren't romantic, for instance some people may have felt heart break from a parent or friend.
You see, I've never been heart broken from a romantic relationships (despite being in relationships for the better part of the last 14 years and always being the one who was dumped). In case you're wondering, yes I was in love before my husband and no, I'm not some cold hearted mutant who doesn't feel things. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I feel things very deeply, but from the heart level.
With each of the break ups, I was disappointed, upset, even angry. But underneath the tears and smashing of objects… I was relieved. My heart was singing. I was free from something that I knew wasn't serving me.
… and I thought I was heart broken from my parents for many years… but it turns out I wasn't.
Because the heart doesn't break, our egos do. The heart only wants to be free, to let love in, and to give love unconditionally. But our minds and ego clog it up with conflicting messages around conditional love, tally counts on give and take, and so much more that'll be clearer as you go through this practice.
So next time you find yourself dumped or thinking you're heart broken, go through these 5 steps:
Write down all the negative feelings you're experiencing and WHY you're experiencing them. Cry it out as you do it. Feel all the words on the paper.
Example: Pissed because mothaf*[email protected] drained my bank out!
As you're writing all of these things down, laugh at yourself. I bet some of the things you'll find on your list will sound like:
✔ Pissed because the person still has my stuff
✔ Angry because I wasted so much time on someone who didn't deserve me
✔ Hurt because I put myself out there and it wasn't reciprocated
✔ Unloved because the person couldn't love me
I know it might be hard to laugh at some of the things, but stick with me here. Notice that all of these have to do with your ego, not your heart. Your heart wants what's best for you. It wants pure love, joy and light. Your ego on the other hand, believes in right or wrong, good or bad, and is probably pissed as all hell you've been wasting it's precious time and not having all your goodness reciprocated back to you. It keeps tally. Your heart does not. And I bet it'll be pretty funny when you realize how much B.S. you tolerated with this other person or how much you've been looking outside of yourself for validation when it's been within you all along.It's pretty funny to think how much B.S. we tolerate in order to feel loved. How much we look outside ourselves for it...when the power, validation, and love is within us all alongClick To Tweet
3) Check in with your heart
Sit quietly, comfortably, and press your hands to your chest in whatever way is comfortable for you (e.g. prayer or palms to chest). Turning your focus towards your heart.
It might help you to envision pink or white light in this area or to hold some rose quartz while doing this. As you breathe deeply into this space, notice how it feels.
It might feel sad – but ask it why it's sad… chances are it's because it knows how great you are and is sad you don't see it too. It may say relieved because it's finally free. Just continue to breathe into this space, letting the feelings roll through. When you feel ready to finish, imagine a bright white or pink light washing through every nerve of your body, cleansing out any energy that isn't yours and doesn't serve your highest good.
With an open heart, look back at your list, notice how everything you're feeling has some sort of condition placed upon it. Something that you aren't giving yourself yet. Feel free to chuckle at yourself, as your realize it's pretty funny to think anyone could mirror something back to you and you'd actually feel it if you don't believe it for yourself first.
Let's go a little deeper and do some reflecting. Here are a few ideas on what to ask yourself (feel free to create your own questions!):
Why did I call this relationship into my life?
What agitated me about it and how I am treating myself like that?
– Ok that might sound a little odd, so let me explain… we are all mirrors of one another. You've probably heard people “projecting” their baggage onto others etc. and this is the same concept. So by figuring out what agitated you about the person, it'll tell you a lot about what you haven't embraced and accepted in yourself yet.
What did it teach me about myself?
How have I grown and what's the lesson I'm internalizing from this experience?
Anytime anything in our life changes or comes to a close it's an opportunities to celebrate the lessons we've learned and our growth. It's a beautiful time to rise up from the ashes with a new nugget of self awareness and wisdom. So celebrate it! Dance it out, take yourself out on a date, sing, move, reward yourself with that new purse now that your money isn't going to pay for your ex's rent!
Voila! You may be “ego broken” or “ego bruised” in the future, but say good-bye to heartbreak (because LBH, it doesn't exist)! Because your heart, only wants whats best for you. It only wants to feel love and give love freely. It wants harmony and balance and love for you.Live in harmony by embracing every part of yourselfClick To Tweet