7 Ways To Stop Letting Your Personal Issues Impact Your Work

career advice, how to step letting personal issues impact your work, emotional issues at work, work-life balance, #worklifebalance, #careertips

The boundaries between our personal lives and professionally lives continue to get blurred – and it’s easier than ever to let one impact that other. Especially since millennials are the “most stressed out generation” according to an American Psychology Association survey. It’s impossible to flip a switch and leave all the personal happenings behind when you step into the office, but it’s essential you try to prevent your personal issues from impacting your work.

7 Ways To Stop Letting Your Personal Issues Impact Your Work:

1. Talk with your boss or employer.

I’m not telling you to march into your bosses office and start crying about what a hot mess you are and that you got dumped right before the holidays. DON’T DO THAT.

When I say talk with your boss, I mean communicate your needs clearly and effectively if something is going on that will impact your ability to be physically or emotionally present during your usual hours.

Share only relevant information.

For instance: what can they can expect in terms of your productivity (do you need to enlist another team member to help you? will you still be able to meet a deadline, but just need some flex hours? Would working from home a few days help?”).

Explain logical/relevant reasons for sharing this with your boss too.

What I mean by that, is take a business mindset, wouldn’t it be a lot worse if you kept running yourself into the ground, pretending like nothing was going on, and making a bigger mess for the team to clean up? Versus just asking for what you need and bouncing back quicker?

What that would sound like:

“Hey boss, so I have to be honest with you, I’m going through a tough personal issue right now and it’s making it difficult for me to be fully present during my normal hours. I wanted to bring this to you to come up with a solution to ensure I bounce back as quick as possible, rather than hiding it and burning myself out more and for a longer period of time. Where my head is at, I think it would help to work a flex schedule from home the next week, so I can deal with my personal stuff but still meet the deadline. I’m totally open to other suggestions if you had something else in mind?”

It shows you are still keeping their bottom line in mind, but that the cost of not saying anything would be greater.

2. Don’t overshare.

Again, I need to stress this: yes, I recommend talking with your boss, but don’t give them all the nitty gritty details of your personal life. The same goes for co-workers. We’ve all had that one Gossipy-Gina at work, who tries to “help” but sharing your plight about why you can’t do something – which is really just an under handed way to get at your Christmas bonus – or worse your job! While it’s great to connect with co-workers, don’t let them think your competency or productivity are at risk because of personal struggles.

3. Take time off.

Did you know that millennials are the most likely generation to forfeit their paid time off (PTO)? Yeah, don’t be like those millennial work martyrs. Instead, if you have a personal crisis impacting your work, use the PTO! Similar to the points I made in talking with your boss, but your productivity will do better if your fully engaged for four days in the week, than partially engaged in five.

4. Set digital boundaries.

More than half of those surveyed in a Pew Research Center study used social media at work to take a mental break or connect with friends and family. Raise your hand if you’ve ever gotten a text, or checked social media at work and something set you off

raise hand

Seriously, put those hands up, I can’t be the only one with a crazy mother who sends an irrational text to derail the entire day?

Since our personal and professional lives live on our phone, totally accessible 24/7 – its essential to create some digital boundaries. Turn off push notifications, shut the phone down, or lock it away!

5. Compartmentalize.

Equally as important as digital boundaries, are your mental boundaries. Personally, this is the most difficult for me. What’s worked for me is to actually visualize my compartmentalization. For instance say something is really bothering me and I can’t let it go, I’ll imagine putting it into a box, then filing it away in a cabinet in the depths of my mind. I give myself permission to come back to it later, but not in that moment. It’s a great mindfulness exercise. Unlike traditional meditation, where you “let the thought float out,” you know it’s still in your head and you can come back to it whenever you want.

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6. Look into your companies Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

ICYMI, EAP’s are employer-sponsored intervention programs designed to help employees work through and resolve tons of personal issues! Things like substance use/abuse, emotional issues, financial stress, and family and marital struggles, all typically fall under the scope. All you have to do is get the number, and talk with the counselor. Just talking to a neutral person can help sometimes, but they can also give you recommendations of what to do next.

7. Get your emotional needs met.

Work-life balance is about making sure your needs are met across all areas: professionally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially and socially. It’s about living a well rounded life – not just a division between home and work. Make sure that you are leaning on your friends and family to get your emotional needs met. Consider seeing a therapist if things persist more than a couple of weeks. And of course, check your daily self care game! Simple pleasures like a cup of afternoon tea, watching Ellen, or taking a walk outside can do wonders!

Remember, you are not alone in your personal issues. And we all have the ability to get consumed by our problems to the point we can’t concentrate. Focus on taking care of yourself, and not oversharing in the workplace. Once the crisis has passed, make sure to acknowledge and express gratitude to those who were there for you personally and professionally.

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7 Ways To Stop Letting Your Personal Issues Impact Your Work:

1. Talk with your boss or employer.

2. Don’t overshare.

3. Take time off.

4. Set digital boundaries.

5. Compartmentalize.

6. Look into your companies Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

7. Get your emotional needs met.

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  • Cara Owens-Kindly Unspoken
    November 6, 2017 at 10:43 am

    Great tips! I definitely agree that boundaries need to be in place to prevent oversharing. I’ve seen first-hand what happens when employees overshare with their bosses and the relationship can quickly stem into the inappropriate zone, causing an uncomfortable office environment for everyone involved.

  • Nicole Green
    November 6, 2017 at 11:44 am

    These tips are so good! I feel like most people don’t know much about their company’s EAP when its SUCH a helpful resource!

  • Anna Hubbard
    November 6, 2017 at 11:57 am

    These are awesome tips, Rachel! It’s so important to set boundaries at work like not checking social media or oversharing your personal life! Great post!

  • Michelle @ And Then We Tried
    November 6, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    Your suggestion for how to frame your request to your boss is great. Finding the balance of saying enough but not saying too much is important!

  • Johanne
    November 6, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    Great tips! I totally agree with setting boundaries, but in my case things are a little different. I work for/with a very informal (VERY informal) company and everyday people say inappropriate things (in a good way!). I guess it works for us. So I think that if I were to talk to my boss that I would not say everything, but I think I would cry. Because I know she will understand. Does that make sense? Compartmentalizing is also my biggest struggle I think.

    • [email protected] Confused Millennial
      November 6, 2017 at 2:45 pm

      Yes! totally makes sense! I think the key in what you just said though is that you wouldn’t say everything! That’s all I was saying! As long as you know your work environment and how to navigate it, that’s what matters!

  • Llinos @ The Lilac Linnet
    November 6, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    I really enjoyed this post, I found it very interesting. I’ve worked in a variety of places, some more informal than others, some very small and others with 500 employees. I’ve struggled with thinking colleagues are my friends, and then leaving the job and finding that actually, they don’t want to make any effort to see me anymore if I’m not at the desk opposite. That hurts.

  • Ash Neverson
    November 6, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    I enjoyed these tips you shared. It’s so easy to forget the line between personal matters and work place. Oversharing is something I need to do less. Thanks for sharing!

  • Jenny
    November 6, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    These are all so important! It is important to separate the two so that it doesn’t affect your performance.

  • Erica @ Coming up Roses
    November 7, 2017 at 6:49 am

    Such good points. I lovelovelove your example of what to actually say to the boss – sometimes I think we forget that bosses are people, too!

  • Lauren Falardeau Pariseau
    November 7, 2017 at 8:12 am

    These are great tips! In the restaurant industry there really isn’t much option for PTO, but in my experience employers are usually very understanding when you tell them you need some time to reset your head, whether its just a shift or a day.

  • Helen @ Hel On Heels
    November 7, 2017 at 8:34 am

    These are such good points. I have such a hard time with confrontation so I love that you included what to say to your boss. And I’m the worst at not using PTO…like I feel the company is going to crash and burn if I don’t show up one day haha! I need to be better about this.

  • Kylie Kreischer
    November 7, 2017 at 10:03 am

    SO true!! This is so important! Taking time for yourself is critical!

  • Courtney Drew
    November 7, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Such great tips! It is really important to utilize your PTO and not over share. Mental health days are real and super impactful.

  • Ashley Vickney
    November 7, 2017 at 10:26 am

    These are all SO important! I love that you reminded people about EAP services. They really helped my dad when he had a particularly rough couple months of cases.
    Also, oversharing can be really hard! I always ask myself if I would share this to someone over drinks!

  • Christina @ Hugs and Lattes
    November 7, 2017 at 10:34 am

    This is SO important. I’ve noticed that when my work life balance is off and I take a mental health day to rest and reset, I come back to the office more productive and in a much better mood.

  • Kara
    November 7, 2017 at 10:53 am

    These are all super important but def don’t overshare! I try and practice all of these tips at work 🙂

  • Ashley Stephenson
    November 7, 2017 at 11:14 am

    I think having a great relationship with your boss is key. I have a great relationship, but he is my dad!

  • Alix Maza
    November 7, 2017 at 11:39 am

    I try to compartmentalize, but I think I end up oversharing haha.

  • Lacey Skorepa
    November 7, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    These are all great tips. I teach at a university, and in academia, we all have work/life boundary issues. But more than that, I am constantly surprised at my students’ ever-increasing inability to advocate for themselves (something we work on in all of my courses, now). So, these tips are much needed.

  • Cameron
    November 7, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    These are such great tips! I am a huge oversharer, but also a big compartmentalizer, so I rarely have something impact me while I’m at work – that usually happens after I’m home haha.

  • Deirdre B Jayko
    November 7, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    I’m a very big fan of tip #1. It is so important to be open about mental and emotional health needs at work to reduce stigmas around mental health. I truly believe that our generation can be the one to change the stigma and small steps like this are how we will get there. Thank you for a really thoughtful article.

  • Mistle
    November 7, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    Great tips!!! I agree that when things are a little crazy in your life and your not at 100% while at work, speaking with your boss is best. Thankfully we have weekly meetings with our boss to follow up on any issues,etc. Taking time off is a yes!!! It’s important to be able to come back recharged and less stressed.

  • Elizabeth Johnson
    November 7, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    This is so wise! All the suggestions are really great ideas. I like the one about talking to your boss. If I were the boss I would love to know if one of my employees was going through something tough. Really great advice as always! 🙂

  • Kristen @ TheSophisticatedGal
    November 7, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    These are all such great tips! It can definitely be helpful to communicate with your boss but you don’t want to over share, just keep it short and simple! Using those PTO days are good too!!

  • Lo Renee
    November 7, 2017 at 7:12 pm

    Love this!!! I find that taking time off from work helps me a lot. I get so overwhelmed and stressed out over small things. And communication to your boss is key. They don’t always know what’s going on!

  • Dr. K. Lee Banks
    November 7, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    I don’t work outside the home, but this is a great list for those who do – and I think there are ways most of these could be adapted for people who work from home. Perhaps especially because working from home makes it difficult to attain that work-life balance and to compartmentalize and to take time off!

  • Rachel @ STCL
    November 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    Talking to your boss definitely helps – but totally agree about not oversharing! I think stepping away for a quick walk helps a lot too!

  • Shannon
    November 8, 2017 at 12:18 am

    I’m super surprised that so many millennials forfeit PTO! I hoard mine and use it every year haha. But I love all of these tips. I work from home so my personal life and work life can definitely get blurred and it’s good to remember to keep them separate when needed.

  • alexisreliford
    November 8, 2017 at 12:40 am

    YES TO NUMBER 3! I can’t tell you how much happier I’ve been at work after taking time off. It’s as millennials really are “afraid” not to be hustling every second of every day, when really we could benefit tremendously from a break now and again.

  • Taylor Smith
    November 8, 2017 at 9:23 am

    This is so great, especially for people in traditional work environments. I think it’s funny that millennials are called lazy and have no work ethic yet we are the ones working until we literally die

  • Michelle @ She's Not So Basic
    November 8, 2017 at 9:30 am

    Love this list! Compartmentalizing has been really big for me lately but I’m kind of the worst at because I have a really hard time with the visualization. I’ve been practicing it for EMDR and instead of a box I imagine a mason jar and for the days that my imagination just doesn’t want to work, I have an actual mason jar buried not super deep in our yard and I’ll dig it out and write out what ever I need to push aside for the moment, put it in the jar, and bury it until I’m ready to deal with it aka go to therapy lol our neighbors probably think I’m really weird buttt whatevs, it works for me ha

  • Joscelyn | Wifemamafoodie
    November 8, 2017 at 12:35 pm

    These are really great tips. I think so often we try to deal with everything on our own and it usually always ends up spilling into our work. Finding extra support through family and friends usually helps me to get back into the swing of things.

  • Daynna Hartjes
    November 8, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    Love these tips! As someone who is very emotional and just now learning to deal with it in healthier ways than just immediately freaking out, I’m definitely going to keep this stuff in mind. I’ve totally undershared, got burnt out, then overshared, with a boss before and it really wasn’t a good situation. Thank you so much for writing about this!

  • Carly Ned
    November 9, 2017 at 10:47 am

    This is absolute great advice. I do tend to overshare at work and need to stop letting my my personal life get in the way.

  • Kaitlyn Fickle Killebrew
    November 9, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    Such great tips! Especially about not sharing everything. It’s so important to have a divide between work and personal life.

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