3 Reasons to Have a Long Engagement

 Is having a long engagement okay? Why should you have a long engagement? What are the pros and cons of a long engagement? The Confused Millennial, Rachel Ritlop, shares three reasons to have a long engagement.


brooke images rachel ritlop eric dresdale

Photo cred: Brooke Images.com

How awesome are our wedding photographers? Thanks Brooke Images for the awesome photos!

In case you didn’t know…

I’m getting married!

Haha I’ve actually been engaged for a really long time (November 9, 2014) and we are tying the knot in mid-October 2016.

E and I know a long engagement was in our future, even before putting the ring on. What I didn’t know was how much society judged others for having a long engagement. Seriously, I turned on the TV one day and Wendy Williams was talking so much trash about people with two-year engagements!

Apparently, it’s a common stereotype a couple is having “issues” when engaged longer than a year (year and a half max). Countless people asked, “are you guys still even getting married?” or “is everything okay with you two?”

[RELATED] 5 Conversations To Have Before Getting Engaged

I think it’s so wrong to judge and assume that you know what’s going on in a persons life based on their wedding timeline.

The truth is, our engagement was long, not because my fiancee and I were having issues, but because my mother and I were. We’ve been on rocky terrain for years. I spent the first year of my engagement emotionally preparing myself that she wouldn’t come to my wedding. While all of the juicy details of that is probably an entirely different post… a blessing actually came from drawing out the wedding planning process: I have been relatively stress-free!

That’s right! I have found wedding planning overall to be totally stress free.

[RELATED] 5 Ways My Wedding Was Different Than I Imagined

Why do I love the two-year engagement?

1. Narrows your guest list.

Seriously, having a longer engagement narrows your guest list! So many people came out of the woodwork trying to re-connect after we got engaged, I was shocked. They wanted to “hear all about wedding planning” — only there was nothing to report other than we had no idea what was happening and we’re enjoying being engaged. I started hanging out with old friends who I had lost touch with and found myself thinking, “well we used to be great friends, maybe she will be in my wedding party!”.

brooke images rachel ritlop eric dresdale

Before inviting all my long lost girlfriends to be bridesmaids, I decided to wait. I wanted to see if we stayed re-connected. I saw this story on the Today show about a study which found that most couples were no longer in contact with their wedding party 15-20 years later. All of the anchors said they do not talk to almost anyone who was in their wedding party anymore. I held onto that segment. Maybe I am being idealistic, but I want to stay life long friends with my wedding party, I don’t want to pay a buttload of money to have people at my wedding who I don’t think will be there for the long haul.

Sure enough, the people I lost touch with were only interested in wedding conversations and not actual re-kindled friendship. I started to feel like people were only interested in coming to the wedding rather than being a dependable friend. Needless to say, when we first got engaged we thought our wedding would be around 150 people… and now that we are 5 months away it’s about 65 people.


brooke images rachel ritlop eric dresdale

Photo cred: www.brookeimages.com

2. Less money.

That’s right, a longer engagement has meant a lower cost wedding! Aside from the smaller guest list, it really allowed us to not make impulsive or emotional decisions. We’ve had time to let “wedding fever” pass. Thereby letting go of trends or what other people are doing. We’ve really had the chance to decide, “Is this adding to our guests experience and representing us as a couple?” If the answer isn’t “HELL YES!” to both questions, it’s cut from the budget. This includes spending $200 on my wedding dress instead of $5,000!

brooke images rachel ritlop eric dresdale

Photo Cred: Brooke Images


3. No expectations.

With longer engagements, family and friends begin to lose excitement. For so long we had “nothing to report.” When there was something to report, it’s so small and spread out from the next small thing, that it’s created a lot of space and distance from opinions and emotions (thankfully!). This has given space for the process to be about my fiancee and I and our wants, wishes, and needs as a couple.

brooke images rachel ritlop eric dresdale

Photo cred: Brooke Images



7 Things No One Tells You About Choosing A Wedding Venue

Patience & Stalking: A Millennial Love Story!

How He Asked: A Millennial Engagement Story

5 Ways My Wedding Was Different Than I Imagined

9 Fears About Pregnancy [+ Why It’s Okay]

 Are you planning a wedding or trying to save some $$$? Download our checklist for saving on a tight budget!


Are you married or engaged? What tips do you have for planning a wedding and marriage? I would love to hear in the comments!

You Might Also Like

More in General Life Advice, Life Lessons
 Tayo Rockson is the founder of UYD Media and founding editor of BrandEdu. Tayo is a media personality and third culture kid whose mission in life is to inspire the next set of global leaders to use their difference to make a difference. Tayo shares about how a near death experience redefined his career and purpose in life.  Watch the full vlog interview on The Confused Millennial.
Inspiring Millennials with Tayo Rockson