Happy Monday folks!
So today's post is going to get real, raw, and possibly pretty cryptic...
If you're on my mailing list, you probably saw the update last week about all the changes coming to the blog... and were expecting a new episode of the Inspiring Millennials series today... but alas there's no episode.
Many of you know from my Instagram, that I've been working my tail off on co-hosting my first summit! I am beyond excited for you guys to learn and grow from it when it's finally live! We have some fantastic speakers including past vlog guests: Erica Ligenza, Kayla Hollatz, Kayla Buell (Cruez), Tayo Rockson, Scott Barlow, Angela Ford, just to name a few.
This summit is going to be awesome as we help you break down all the steps to master your career as you decide between the traditional working world or side hustling & entrepreneurship.
But -- as many of you know from my Instagram, I have been insanely stressed out lately. Over these last couple of weeks some personal issues from my past have taken a massive toll on my energy and mood.
I 150,000,000% love being an entrepreneur and a blogger. I love the excitement of the day-to-day the new projects, the new people... but when sh*t hits the fan, there is no PTO, no sick days, no bereavement days... it's just you. Which means you have to face your shortcomings sometimes.
As some of you know, I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a little girl. It went undiagnosed for years. I remember being in elementary school having a panic attack, and the adults teasing me telling me to "Stop with the alligator tears".
I was always so confused by this response, like,
if I could catch my breath, don't you think I would? Do you really think I enjoy the feeling of the walls closing in, my heart palpitating, and feeling like I can't breathe? Hell No.
It wasn't until a series of tragic events occurred during high school that I finally started to get the help that I needed for my anxiety and depression. Since the age of 17 years old, I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and dysthymic disorder, which in simplest of terms means I struggle with mild, long term episodes of depression that have been on-and-off going since I was about 4 years old.
That was 10 years ago. These last 10 years I've done a really good job of getting the proper treatment and education I needed to live a happy, balanced, and fulfilling life. I've been fortunate to learn how to develop friendships again, meet the love of my life, and find a way into a profitable career that supports my lifestyle I need and want to maintain.
But these last couple of weeks have been tough. I mean really tough. So much from my past has been kicked up that I can't even begin to grasp and comprehend it all. Someday I will probably share it in a book or blog... But I need to take a step back and shift some things.
So how do I know it's time to take a step back and re-prioritize my life?
- While my productivity has been through the roof lately, my relationships have been totally off kilter. I've been working 16 hour days, not spending time with my fiancee or friends the way I should. I feel empty and burnt out as a result. Plus I am only productive in one area really, letting the things I love (the blog and Instagram) fall to the wayside as I hurriedly put up a half assed post.
- I find myself fighting back tears on and off throughout the day. It's as if the emotion is sitting just below my eyes, waiting for something to open the flood gate of tears at any moment.
- I have a constant knot in my stomach and pressure in my chest. My body just feels heavy and dull even with my added workouts and massages to get it excited and revitalized.
- I have been unbelievably short and rude with people lately. I hear the things coming out of my mouth and am literally embarrassed by the condescension and tone in my voice... this is not a reflection of who I am, but where I am at.
- I am not really present in anything that I am doing. I am off balance in barre classes, I am burning dinner, I am checked out of movies or shows that I love. I am literally ghosting my life.
I know that right now the only priority I can have is taking care of myself. Focusing on meditation each morning, getting organized and productive in the tasks the fuel me, and revisiting my life's mission statement to help me regain focus and clarity.
With all of that said, the summit has been postponed as I get a handle on things again, and the regularly scheduled Monday vlogs are going on a hiatus for now. Eventually I do plan on bringing back the Inspiring Millennials series, most likely near the end of the year, but my efforts should be focused elsewhere at this time.
For now, I am not totally sure if I will post on Mondays. I am going to hold off the next two weeks and finally get a grasp on my content calendar again and we will see.
With all of that said, what would you like to see more of on the blog? I feel like I am starting back at ground zero in some ways with how much is unscheduled and planned so if I can tailor things to serve you best, let me know in the comments! Some ideas: mental health awareness, relationships, travel, product reviews, entertainment based life lessons (read: life lessons from Bachelor in Paradise, anyone?)
Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me,